Everything About You Scares Me, Which Is Why I Want To Love You


brandonleichty
brandonleichty

You have caught me so off guard. You’re everything I know I don’t need right now but want so bad. There’s a second when you’re in my space that I feel like I’m suffocating because your intensity, your beauty, your smarts knock me backwards. It makes me wonder and believe that all the people I’ve met before were guiding me to this moment. The moment where when we speak to each other I feel like I’m home. Because home isn’t necessarily a place but a feeling.

Right now we’re both not in a place to love each other. To give each other the support we need in order to be good enough to work. Maybe it’s because we’re both two very free spirits who don’t even know the direction we should go. All I know is that our directions should be the same. Because with you I manage to be able to be more me. Slowly but surely there will be points where I question you because you’re not something I’m used to. Stability.

Even if everything else around us and within our own universes is complete and utter chaos, you stand tall and true as steadiness.

It’s a feeling. I just feel it in my gut. I said ‘oh shit’ the minute I saw you because deep down inside I felt that you were going to be something. And you are something. What? I’m not so sure yet. But I want to be sure. I want to be sure that you’re not going to be gone tomorrow. And every indications point to you not disappearing.

When you meet people sometimes they just ignite something in your bones. You feel it like an electric shock sent straight through your entire body. And you need to see them again.

You’re almost too afraid to see them again. Because they’re captivating and make your heart want to explode out of your chest.

You see the true beauty in their expressions and mannerisms. Those weird mannerisms that makes someone them. That’s how I feel about you.

And I’m excited. It’s the kind of excited I’ve been before but haven’t felt in a while. You’re not a chore. Not someone who’s emotionally draining. You’re just you and honey, just you is perfectly alright with me. When you look at me I feel like we have a secret understanding, a private joke, that no one else is privy too.

But then the fear sets in. The belief that maybe, just maybe I’m not enough.

I’m scared that I won’t be able to offer you enough. I’m afraid that I’m just not enough. I mean we’ve both seen and felt what happens when it doesn’t work out. We both know pain even if we’ve felt it in extremely different ways. Pain is pain and we both have been the victims of this cruel mistress but we both survived. And we’re here.

I can tell you that the fear is almost enough to make me walk away. It’s almost enough to make me not want to dive back into something that leaves me vulnerable and at the mercy of someone else. But letting the potential for love slip away is worse than going through the hurt again. In this instance there is nothing to lose and everything to gain because sweetheart, you’d definitely be worth my wounded ego and hurt pride if for even just a millisecond I get to hold you.

So I’m going to weather this storm. I’m going to go full force into it and hope that somehow I make it out with little to no damage. That somehow if there’s a hurricane coming for me that you’re there to guide me through it.

There’s just something in the way you say my name that makes me realize that I have nothing to lose and you to gain. So let’s go on this adventure together and see where it takes us, shall we? TC mark



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